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Wedding Tips for Dudes

Alright dudes, let’s get real here for a minute.

So you’ve taken the leap, worked up the you-know-whats, and asked your lady-friend to take your hand and become your wife, your ball ‘n’ chain, your she-bro in this thing called matrimony.

And she said “yes.”

Awesome! Think of what this means. She’s agreed to put up with, for the rest of her life, your leaving the seat up, your drunken buddies, midnight sleep farts, and all the body hair you’ve spent years cleverly trimming and grooming.

Well throw away them clippers buddy, because she loves you for “everything you are and are going to become,” including a hairy middle-aged, balding loaf. It’s going to happen. We all know it.

So now, she’s talking crazytalk about “all these wedding plans” that need to be made, “all these do’s & don’t’s,” “all these ins & outs and what –have-yous.”

What’s the big deal? You’re just planning on showing up and standing next to her until they open up the bar at the reception and start passing around the mini-corndogs, right?

WRONG.

Without telling you how to live your life, I will merely SUGGEST to you that your bride-to-be will very much appreciate you being hands-on with the planning of your wedding.

There literally are TONS of details that go into a great event, and guys if we’re honest with ourselves, we love a great party as much as everyone else. The last thing we’d want is to have a wedding and reception ruined because your WIFE (let that sink in) is unhappy.

They say the wedding is her day, but in reality, it’s both of yours,  you both want to enjoy it, and you might as well learn it now….if your wife ain’t happy, you ain’t happy. Welcome to marriage, sucker!!

So you’d be wise to pick up some of the slack in planning this shindig. Alleviate the burden and stress on your fiancée, because these kind of things can get very complicated.  You’ve heard the term  “Bridezillas.” The one your future wife hears and says “OMG honey, I could NEVER be one of those.” SHENANIGANS.  She is very much capable of being one of them. Don’t let it be your fault. Man up and help out!!!

That said, here’s a few things you can do to help prepare for the big day that will make you look like the knight in shining armor she’s always thought you were (and hey, knights have swords, swords are awesome.)

PARTIPATE IN PLANNING
There are tons of things that go into planning a wedding. Think of what is really important to you, things that you feel strongly about, and ask your wife if you can take that off her plate. Are you a big music fan? Offer to find a DJ or band that will make you guys happy.  Fancy yourself a chef? Offer some help in finding some catering options and see about setting up tastings. If you intend on being hands-off, and them complain about something on the wedding day that she hemmed and hawed over, you’re likely to get shanked by your beautiful bride.

WHAT TO WEAR
Your future wifey has more important stuff to do than make sure you have something to wear on your wedding day, and you probably don’t like it when she dresses you like your mom would. As easy as just sitting at your computer, you can look all around the interwebs to see what kind of options you have for your wedding day garb. Are you going with a tux? Or maybe a suit? This is something that’s good to ok with the Mrs. Think about cost. If you want to go with suits for you and your groomsmen, try to find something comparable to the cost of renting a tuxedo. Not everyone has unlimited budgets (especially if they’re coming in from out-of-town), so be conscious of that as well.  Make sure once you make your choice, you notify all your groomsmen of where they can get fitted and get their tux or suit. And DON’T PROCRASTINATE!  The look you’ll get when your fiancée asks you “Why didn’t you tell so-and-so where to get his tux?” is not a look you’ll want on your wedding day.

GROOMSMEN GIFTS
When you ask your best dudes to stand in your wedding, you’re basically asking them to spend a bunch of money in honor of YOU. Think about it, they’re dropping some coin to celebrate that fact that you met a girl who can put up with your crap and probably make you stop hanging out with your friends.    They’ll be the ones putting up for your bachelor party, their tuxedos or suits, and all the travel costs if they’re coming from out of town. In return, it’s considered good manners to get your groomsmen a gift. Pick something you know your guys would like. Engraved gifts like pocket watches, flasks, and beer steins are popular. And no one will frown upon you if you get something a little bit nicer for your best man (except maybe the brother-in-law you don’t really like but were obligated to ask to be in your wedding party.)

BRIDES’ GIFT
That’s right. You’ve bought her an engagement ring, a wedding ring, dinner at Applebee’s God know HOW many times, and you may even be paying for the honeymoon. Well, you might want to keep that wallet out holmes, cuz you’ve got to get your lady a Brides’ gift. This should be something thoughtful that will always make her think back to your wedding day.  Maybe you want to make her all fancy and give her some diamond earrings to match her engagement/wedding rings. There’s nothing wrong with a nice necklace; gold, silver, diamond, pearl. If it’s from the heart, it counts. If you’re being budget conscious because you spent all your money on the damn rings she picked out when you got engaged, or any other reason, I’ll say it again.” IF IT’S FROM THE HEART, IT COUNTS.” Words go a long way. A well thought-out, heart felt letter with some kind of personal touch can mean more than any piece of jewelry (though we all know she’d rather have the jewelry.)

DON’T OVER-DO THE BOOZE BEFORE THE WEDDING
Just as your bride-to-be and her bridesmaids and mother and any other hens that she gathers around her the morning of her wedding will undoubtedly be tossing back a few mimosas and whatnot (“just a little something to take the edge off” as my grandmother would say), you and your posse of bros will be throwing back a couple of beverages yourself in your pre-wedding revelry. For God’s sake dude, KEEP YOURSELF IN CHECK. I guarantee you these 3 things:

  • You will sweat, and years from now when you look at your wedding pictures and you look like a sweaty sausage in a suit, you’ll be pretty embarrassed.
  • You and your wife, provided that you’ve followed my suggestions, have done a lot of planning for this beautiful day. It’s going to go by really fast, and you’ll want to remember it.
  •  If you show up at the wedding hammered, you wife will make you pay for it. It won’t be immediately. You’re already there, and the band and caterers have been paid. It might not be the next day, the next week, but she will make you pay. It may even take several years, after you think you’re in the clear, but you WILL pay.

Get what I’m saying here guys? The same goes for your groomsmen. When the reception starts, they’re all on their own, but before the ceremony, make sure none of your bonehead friends are shooting Jameson like it’s their job. You picked them to be there, and if they screw it up, it will be on your head when your wife unleashes the hounds.

Now keep in mind here guys, these are just suggestions.  By no means is this a complete check list. You may feel the need to do more or less, depending on your relationship. It’s a free country, so feel free to take my advice, or tell me to stick it. Just remember, you’re about to be asked a million times,” what do you think about this?” Just don’t say “Whatever you want hun.” What she wants is for you to “stop watching t.v. and show that you care about your wedding you big jerk” (paraphrased from a friend’s engagement-era argument with his fiancée.)  After all, you should know your wife better than just about anyone, unless of course she’s a Russian mail order bride, or some girl you picked up in a whirlwind night in Vegas and you’re at the Elvis chapel about to get hitched. In which case, how in the world did you end up at this site right now?

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